Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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