Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
