I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
