You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
