I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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