I heard we made out
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
