Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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