...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
