Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
