I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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