i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
