My room smells like vodka and shame
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
