There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
