she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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