i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
