After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
