do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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