Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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