God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
