i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just pee around me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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