I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
