It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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