you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
