why didn't you poke me back
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
