theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
