I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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