can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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