You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
