I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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