I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
