I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize