so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
foreskin is a definite game changer
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
