Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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