My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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