I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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