I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
