38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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