i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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