Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
