i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
