Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
