I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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