maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
