no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
