theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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