i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
