Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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