I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize