I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
