he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
