Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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