Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
