there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
