That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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