haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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