he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
