paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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