Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
