What a fucking waste of an outfit
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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