so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
