your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
