This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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