A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I will pee on everything he values.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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