I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My life is pants optional.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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