There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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