My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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