Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
