Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
