my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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