thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
