I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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