im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
