This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
