You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
