so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize