her vagine was all disorganized.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just blew my weed a kiss
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
