my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
