hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
