i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
