You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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