I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
